Even though I thought my decision was made up, I was far from right. I decided against going to NHTI and continuing back to my soccer career. I continued my college career for one more semester at Nashua Community College before transferring to Plymouth State. While I wanted to play here at Plymouth, I was faced with many health problems and underwent surgery all in my first semester here. It was during this time that I knew, I was no longer going to return to competitive soccer.

Overall, the sport of soccer has given me a lot. Sure I had to stop playing when I certainly did not want too, but it gave me a whole new outlook on life. Multiple coaches, practices, and the games taught me to never give up. The opponents record and ranking placement might consider them a better team but that doesn’t mean you do not give your all. This is applicable to college, when you look on rate my professor and they’re rated one of the toughest professors at Plymouth State. You cannot just give up on the course, you have to push through, giving it your all. Soccer has taught me an immense amount of time management. Playing for two different soccer teams, being in high school, working, and having a social life. It was a lot to figure out at times, but I am glad I figured it out then which prepared me for my college years. Lastly, it taught me teamwork. You aren’t going to be successful in a sport if you do not work as a team. This is applicable in so many ways in college. You have the group projects, roommates, work. Everything that in one way or another you need some sort of teamwork to overcome.

Soccers given me a lot to appreciate and reflecting on my times playing brought a lot of feelings and love for the sport back into my life. I hope some day in the future I am able to return back to this sport, even if it is just coaching.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/450711875194534410/

The time had come and seniors were making their announcements on where they were continuing their education. For me, I hadn’t even started looking at schools. I was so far behind and having parents who didn’t attend college made me feel like I was doing the college process all alone. I was overwhelmed with everything. The applications, the essay, the school visits, all of it. I kept asking myself “How am I suppose to find a school I like and would want to spend the next four years at?”. Thankfully, I had an amazing teacher, Mrs. Cloutier, that took me under her wing and walked me through the steps. Without her I don’t think I would have even attended college.

While I got accepted into Plymouth State back in 2015, I decided against it. I wanted to be close to my parents and ultimately decided that Nashua Community College is where I would start out. A little over a year there I started looking at different schools. I wanted to remain close to home but I wanted to live on a campus and actually get the whole college experience. I had decided to apply to NHTI, not because I liked the school but because they had a soccer team and I desperately needed to get back into the sport. I was accepted into NHTI and had contact with the NHTI girls soccer coach. I was ready to play soccer at the college level and I had never been this excited about a new team!

While making the decision to return back to soccer wasn’t easy, I’m very thankful that I did. Being my last season as a Nashua High School South soccer player was very rewarding. Coach Tom proved to many of the players that he was there to improve the program. I was becoming the player I once was, my health was becoming more “normal”, and the team was working harder than ever.

Like previously mentioned in my last post, I was going to work my way from just practicing to playing in games. I stuck to that routine religiously, it was almost my safety net. Until the girl who was filling my position got hurt, Coach Tom glanced at me then back at the field and then back at me. I had been practicing for almost a month and while I thought about returning to the game the nerves of getting hurt were still there. They would remain there until I stepped on that field to play a game and I knew that, but something inside me kept saying I wasn’t ready. But it was my time to shine. I looked at Coach Tom, then at my mom on the sidelines and proceeded to take off the pinny and jog onto the field.

My teammates and their parents all had looks of surprise written across their face and to be honest, I did too. A year ago I had never thought that I would step onto another soccer field let alone play another game. But here I was, facing the odds that I had set before myself. I remember thinking to myself and planning out each and every move I was going to do throughout the whole game. “Okay, you got the ball, dripple two or three steps, once you feel pressure look for the open teammate, then pass it. Play doesn’t stop there, how do you support the teammate with the ball? Where’s the open spot?” constant play by play thoughts ran through my head.

Before I knew it the game was done. I had officially returned back to the sport I loved and boy did it feel good. I would be left with a season of joy and achievements. Although we didn’t make it past the first round of play offs, this season was a huge victory for me. I overcame the odds of a concussion, doubt, and self pity. That season I was awarded most improved player and boy did I feel new and improved.

After sustaining a life alter concussion I was faced with the decision on if I wanted to return back to playing soccer. I was going to have a lot of conditioning and development of skills ahead of me. Although I was up for the task, I was still petrified that I was going to get hurt again or that I wasn’t actually okay to play in the first place. I had already made the decision to not return back to my club team but I wasn’t ready to quit soccer all together. I loved the sport and played for 11 years, so I never really knew what life was like without soccer and I wasn’t ready too.

That summer I focused on working and did not attend any preseason camps, still very leery on what to do. When tryouts came around, I wasn’t signed up, I didn’t have new soccer equipment, so I thought the decision was made. I was no longer going to play the sport I loved.  I hadn’t told my coach or teammates about not returning because I knew they would try to convince me otherwise which would make my decision harder. After day one of tryouts, I received many texts and phone calls of concerned teammates and my coach. They all knew my dedication to the sport, but not many of them understood the fear I was feeling.

I agreed to meet with Coach Tom the following day during tryouts. I expressed my concerns with playing and the fear of not actually being ready to play. Coach Tom suggested I take my spot on the varsity team and work my way to playing in games. This would allow me to gain my confidence back, see how my body would adapt to playing soccer again, and the scary factor, seeing how my head would handle it. I told Coach Tom I would consider the offer and talk with my parents about it. My parents expressed their concerns and wanted me to see a doctor to clear me again before I committed to playing again. Thats exactly what I did.

The doctor cleared me and suggested I wear a concussion helmet that would help with heading the ball and if by chance I took the ball to the head it would help with the impact. While it was suppose to help me, I was more concerned about how I would look. But I sucked it up and wore it for the remaining of my high school soccer career. While I made the decision to not return to club soccer, I made the decision to stay playing soccer but not at the level I used to play at.

Soccer Headgear Minimizes Concussions

Junior year we were faced with another new coach. It was time to learn another new playing style, new rules, new trainings, new everything. At this point we were all tired of starting over with new coaches every season and just hoped that this coach, Coach Tom, would stick around till us seniors graduated. Preseason trainings were brutal, yes, we are soccer players and need to be able to run, but these trainings left us feeling more like a track or cross country teams than a soccer team. But once the season started, we were probably one of the fastest teams in the league making all the sprints, mile long runs, complexes, and figure eights worth it.

Our fourth game in, on our home turf, against Dover, I took a soccer ball to my right temple, knocking me out. Laying on the field absolutely motionless, only being able to see black, I was scared for my life. Hearing my teammates tell me to keep my eyes open and that the trainers and Coach Tom were almost to me felt like an eternity. After being carried off the field and sat on the bench I came to the realization of what had just happened. My trainer conducted the concussion protocol to determine if I was concussed, with amazement I was cleared to go back to the game. With a raging headache and still having a hard time keeping my eyes open due to the strong sunlight, Coach Tom made the decision to sit me the rest of the game. To this day I am still very thankful for that decision.

Training the next day consisted of warming up and a lot of stretching to prepare us for our game the following day. The headache from the hit to my head was subsiding and the activities were not enough to feel like my heart was actually in my head. I thought I got lucky. That the hit would be in the past and I wouldn’t have to worry about it affecting my life in school or years to come. But I was wrong.

The next day, I started the game and the running up and down the field not even touching the soccer ball caused so much pressure in my head that I took a knee to come off the field. The trainer for the other team came over and I was faced with another concussion protocol test and this time I failed. The next step was to start the recovery. I spent everyday for the rest of the season religiously bothering the trainer with hopes he would clear me so I could go back on the field and play the sport I loved. Except it wasn’t that easy. I wasn’t allow to do any activities until I was headache free for 42 hours, once I didn’t have a headache I could ride the stationary bike but if my head started to bother me while riding the bike I had to stop and go back to square one. Once I cleared riding the bike without my head bothering me then I had to take the concussion test on a computer for it to be compared to my baseline which ultimately determined if I was cleared to return to playing.

The season had finished and I still was not able to pass the test meaning I could not return back to the field. I was referred to a Neuro specialist for a continuation of the concussion test. I was able to pass a physical administration of the concussion test which meant I could return back to the field. With the season over I decided to take the winter sessions off to give myself more time to recover more. Once spring season came along I was faced with the question, do I return to the sport I love or do I retire?

After losing Coach Beyers to pancreatic cancer the season was flipped upside down. We were left with a new coach, who had their own different way of coaching us. Sure we have learned to adapt to all different playing conditions like the field condition, the weather, and different formations. But the thing us players didn’t expect was having to adapt to a new coach half way through the season. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Coach Kelly. She really wanted us to succeed on the field.

For us as a team, we were trying our hardest to play for Coach Beyers each and every game that we were forgetting to play for ourselves and it took us a couple games of consistent loss for us to realize that. After realizing it though, we were back to being the dominant team we were before our sudden loss. While most of us were happy with the return of a dominating team, some really disagreed with Coach Kelly’s decisions. The ones who disagreed, were ones that played under Coach Beyers for previous years and knew the formation by heart or their positions they grew up playing were changed to one that “would benefit the team more”.

Our season started making a turn for the better once all the players accepted the changes. We were winning games left and right and had an actual shot at being playoff eligible again. With the hard work of all the players day in and day out we achieved playoffs. Unfortunately, we lost in the first round to Keene. Although we didn’t make it far in the playoffs, we were all really satisfied with our season. We were able to overcome all the odds against us, that not all teams could have done. Just like that our season was done and we were left with a lot of questions. Would Coach Kelly stay? What would next season bring? Are we going to have a coach? Will we have Summer trainings? So many questions with no answers in sight.

Sophomore year the whole Nashua High School South girls soccer community was in for a hard season. Sure each player has had a difficult season, but for most of us this season wouldn’t compare to any other. It started off like any other season, tryouts the week of August 19th, it’s easy to remember because it is always the week of my birthday. Wednesday would be the day that teams are decided and the rest of the week would be practicing with your appointed team. One thing that was noticeably different was the presence of an assistant coach, Coach Kelly, for the varsity team. Very unusual for Coach Beyers to have an assistant, but for everyone this season was off to what seemed like a normal start.

The varsity team went on to play in our yearly tournament and came out winning the games we played. We were excited to see where the rest of the season was going to take us. We were constantly working hard as a team. It was one of the few teams I have been on where we each line connected on the field, which was a huge strong suit for us. But, it was all about to change.

Tuesday September 4, 2012, during 3rd block, an announcement came over the loud speakers of the whole school, “All players apart of both girls JV and varsity soccer team please report to the auditorium”. Some of us just thought our game time was getting changed, while others thought we were in trouble. Once we arrived to the auditorium we were faced with our principle, athletic director, Coach Kelly and JV Coach Watson. All but Coach Beyers.

That day we found out Coach Beyers had pancreatic cancer and had passed away. In shock and with emotions high, we now understood why Coach Kelly appeared this season as an assistant coach. Coach Beyers knew he wouldn’t make it the whole season coaching but couldn’t give up the love he had for the sport so he brought along his former player whom he trusted with his team. Coach Kelly was now appointed head coach for the remaining of the season.

With a season still left to play, we were faced with the hard reality of taking the rest of the week off to greave our loss or to play for Coach Beyers. Ultimately it was left up to the players when it probably shouldn’t have been. We decided to play our scheduled game that day, for Coach Beyers. Upon taking the field, they recognized the work Coach Beyers had done through the 30 years of coaching at Nashua High School South. Each player on the team was still filled with all different kinds of feelings, most of us bringing those feelings on the field. With an aggressive game, our minds were not in the state to play a game and no matter how hard we tried the pieces were not coming together. We lost the game which really made our emotions worse because now we felt like we let down Coach Beyers.

The next day our practice was cancelled for a day to gather all our thoughts and emotions, something we should have done instead of playing the game the previous night. Once we regrouped and began practicing again we had a different flow, we were missing something. It felt like our once tight knit team lost a section of stitching and we didn’t know how to seal that hole. It was truly hard to say if we would be able to regroup and make it to playoffs like we once thought we could do.

In light of all the emotions, both JV and varsity teams banded together and did a bake sale with all proceeds going to Pancreatic Cancer Awareness.

Playing soccer all throughout middle school and continuing playing for a club team seemed like a joggling act for me and my family. Once high school starts club teams switched to just Spring season so players could dedicate their time to their high school teams. Fortunately due to the age cut offs I was able to qualify for a different age bracket allowing me to play both high school soccer and club soccer at the same time my freshman year. This was a huge privilege being able to play for two teams. With the flexibility meant the joggling act continued.

Freshman year I was placed on the JV team. While I was still on a team I was disappointed I did not make Varsity. I looked at it in different angles and finally decided it would be the best for me because I had more playing time. It gave me the motivation to work harder in games and practices both with the school team but also the club team. I looked forward for the practices with the Varsity players so I could be pushed to different limits.

During the winter time I continued playing soccer for Coach Peters indoor team. It was just another way for me to continue pushing myself to become a better player. Playing indoor is nothing like the outdoors. The ball is quicker, the games are shorter, and you ultimately have to play smarter. My stamina was pushed to different levels, and my brain began looking at things a lot differently. It was adapting to playing one more step ahead, and thinking of what the opponents next move was. It was something that all previous coaches talked about doing, but actually seeing it happen is a completely different but good feeling.

Spring rolled around and soccer still continued. Soccer was literally becoming a year long sport for me and I was not disagreeing with it at all. I continued playing with the club team. My goal was to make Varsity the next season and I did everything I could to make that happen. In the middle of summer high school training camp begun, I attended every session and made sure to push myself farther than I had before to make myself noticeable to the coaches.

My hard work played off, the coaches noticed my desire and motivation for the sport.  The next season with my high school team I made varsity. My goal was achieved and I couldn’t have been happier!

From playing with Cobras and switching over to World Cup I always remember one tournament more than any others. It was always held on what seemed to be the coldest Saturday, either before or after Halloween. Players and coaches were allowed to dress up in costumes as long as it did not affect the ability and safety for players to play, which is why so many of us remember this tournament so well.

While playing with the Cobras, this tournament was always a struggle to get 11 players to sign up, despite the number of players we actually had on the team. Even with a struggling team we typically made it to the playoffs but we very rarely had the drive, devotion, and energy to see the finals. Playing in this tournament with World Cup was a much better experience. We had more than 11 players giving us a better chance of making it to the finals and giving us the energy because we had the players to rotate in and out of the game when needed.. The team had the drive and devotion to this thriving club to make it to the finals and take home the trophy.

For me, I always looked forward to the next tournament in hopes it would be better. Because every time this tournament came around I was always sick as a dog. Barely able to play the sport I loved during the season I loved. When playing with the Cobras I had to tough out the sickness and play, especially when we didn’t have a large amount of players to begin with. I always felt like I was more of a burden for the team instead of the reliable, strong player I was. For World Cup, it was more flexible. I was able to play what was comfortable for me. Out of the whole tournament I would probably play a total of one whole game, while at Cobras I had to play all the games, taking a larger toll on my body and the sickness I was trying to fight off.

The last year World Cup did the tournament I decided I would sit it out. With the past record of being sick every tournament before I did not want the sickness again and thought the best way to void the sickness was not doing the tournament. Low and behold during the time the tournament was held, I was in fact still sick. So it wasn’t a tournament haunting me. But boy was I happy I wasn’t on the field playing this time.

For any sport it is typical to have multiple coaches. Some coaches you strongly dislike, and some that go above and beyond for their players. Unfortunately, some players have that one coach that makes the sport they once loved so much, miserable to play, leading them to quitting. Sure I had my fair share of coaches that negatively effected my sporting career, but I have also had a lot of good ones. The one who really changed the game for me in a positive light and the one I remember above all the others is Coach Peter.

Coach Peter was not like any of the coaches I or a good portion of the girls I played with have ever come into contact with. World Cup was not like many of the other travel teams across New England. We had two different uniforms, an all white one and the second was a red jersey and black shorts and socks. Whatever uniform we were wearing for that game we were suppose to have the other jersey in our bag just incase the opponent was wearing a color similar to ours. There was always that time of forgetfulness for each player, but Coach Peter was there to save the day. Didn’t have a jersey? Missing a sock? Lost a size 7 1/2 cleat? Need a hair tie? Coach Peter had it all in what seemed to be a magical backpack, didn’t matter what you forgot he more than likely had it. Not many coaches will come prepared x10 in the case their players forgot a piece of their equipment that could make them unable to play. You could say we were pretty privileged to have a coach that did.

For me, Coach Peter knew me as a player better than I knew myself at times. He recognized when I needed that extra boost in games and would yell “get on your horse Michelle, you have to join the race”. That saying has stayed with me even off the field. It’s a simple reminder to be giving it my all, all the time even when it gets hard. He was a coach that wanted me to thrive no matter if it was on the field or not. He pushed me beyond my limits but he also knew when I needed a breather. He was always upfront with me on what I needed to do to be a better player, but made sure he pointed out the things I was doing well. For some reason, I could not successfully tie my cleats without them coming undone 10 minutes into any practice or game. As the amazing coach he was, Coach Peter went out of his way tying my cleats for me. He had the magic touch that kept my cleats tied. Whenever anyone scored a goal he would buy us our favorite candy. As a coach he didn’t have to do these things, but he did and that’s what made him so different than any other coach.

Unfortunately, Coach Peter was taken from this world far too soon. However, his infectious love for the sport and positivity will remain in all the players he came into contact with. The picture below is just some of the girls and boys he coached throughout his coaching career.